So having narcolepsy is hard... We have established this, but let's take a minute to explore how it may affect relationships.....specifically my relationship with my husband.
When you're a child, whether you are aware or not, you develops ideas -or expectations- for your spouse. You see how your mom and dad act, respond, and react with each other and with you- a child. You see what 'roles' each parent takes in the managing, maintaining, and furthering of the household. These things coupled with what you take in from other people you come in contact with (such as friends) set the basis-whether you know it or not- for your expectations of marriage. Understanding this, we can say with 100% certainty the other party in your marriage had their own expectations of marriage as well....
I am positive most married couples did not talk about their expectations before they got married (in some cases because they didn't realize they had expectations) AND neither one of you have the same ideas!!! CRAZY RIGHT!!
Okay, so back to my point. My husband and I came into this marriage woefully unprepared and in for a big surprise. Neither one of us measured up to the invisible expectations the other had, then enter narcolepsy. Shut the front door folks things have taken an even crazier turn. Now, not only does my husband not meet the expectations I didn't even know I had and I didn't meet the expectations he didn't know he had, but I found myself not meeting the expectations I had for myself- as a person, as a woman, as a wife, and as God would have it, a mother. Where does that leave us?
A whole lot of problems... That's where! I can't do the things I feel like I should be doing so how on earth could I possible do the things my husband wanted me to do.
This has been an abundant and taxing presence of weight..... yes weight is the perfect word. This thing is heavy, it weighs us down.... when you get weighed down you start feeling grumpy, when you are grumpy you are mean, when you are mean no one is happy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND HE LOVES ME!!! We are very happy but amidst that happiness is the 'I want to beat you over the head with a club' feeling. I find that I have so much trouble remembering things, occasionally I dream up conversations, and / or I am sleeping during a conversation, therefore I don't remember them. This makes for a difficult time communicating. Then let's add sleep deprivation and the seemingly constant state of irritation that goes with it!!! Yay. I am such a peach!
Okay, so let's dispense with the jokes for a minute and really talk about it. I have an awful time with communication so I would say I have developed a VERY blunt way of doing things. This, I suppose, cannot be totally blamed on having Narcolepsy. A portion of the blame could go to my faith and relationship with Jesus Christ and another portion could go to the way I interpret things..... either black or white..... no grey.... absolutely no grey. To me grey is the lie of emotions! Thinking this way does not always do me favors. I wouldn't say I am completely at fault for all of the misunderstandings or miscommunication but I do play my role. I suppose my point in all of this is to educate you on what the realities of living life like this actually is. My hope is by understand what having Narcolepsy does to you (general public/reader), you will be better able to deal with it if it comes up in your own life.
When you're a child, whether you are aware or not, you develops ideas -or expectations- for your spouse. You see how your mom and dad act, respond, and react with each other and with you- a child. You see what 'roles' each parent takes in the managing, maintaining, and furthering of the household. These things coupled with what you take in from other people you come in contact with (such as friends) set the basis-whether you know it or not- for your expectations of marriage. Understanding this, we can say with 100% certainty the other party in your marriage had their own expectations of marriage as well....
I am positive most married couples did not talk about their expectations before they got married (in some cases because they didn't realize they had expectations) AND neither one of you have the same ideas!!! CRAZY RIGHT!!
Okay, so back to my point. My husband and I came into this marriage woefully unprepared and in for a big surprise. Neither one of us measured up to the invisible expectations the other had, then enter narcolepsy. Shut the front door folks things have taken an even crazier turn. Now, not only does my husband not meet the expectations I didn't even know I had and I didn't meet the expectations he didn't know he had, but I found myself not meeting the expectations I had for myself- as a person, as a woman, as a wife, and as God would have it, a mother. Where does that leave us?
A whole lot of problems... That's where! I can't do the things I feel like I should be doing so how on earth could I possible do the things my husband wanted me to do.
This has been an abundant and taxing presence of weight..... yes weight is the perfect word. This thing is heavy, it weighs us down.... when you get weighed down you start feeling grumpy, when you are grumpy you are mean, when you are mean no one is happy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND HE LOVES ME!!! We are very happy but amidst that happiness is the 'I want to beat you over the head with a club' feeling. I find that I have so much trouble remembering things, occasionally I dream up conversations, and / or I am sleeping during a conversation, therefore I don't remember them. This makes for a difficult time communicating. Then let's add sleep deprivation and the seemingly constant state of irritation that goes with it!!! Yay. I am such a peach!
Okay, so let's dispense with the jokes for a minute and really talk about it. I have an awful time with communication so I would say I have developed a VERY blunt way of doing things. This, I suppose, cannot be totally blamed on having Narcolepsy. A portion of the blame could go to my faith and relationship with Jesus Christ and another portion could go to the way I interpret things..... either black or white..... no grey.... absolutely no grey. To me grey is the lie of emotions! Thinking this way does not always do me favors. I wouldn't say I am completely at fault for all of the misunderstandings or miscommunication but I do play my role. I suppose my point in all of this is to educate you on what the realities of living life like this actually is. My hope is by understand what having Narcolepsy does to you (general public/reader), you will be better able to deal with it if it comes up in your own life.
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